Learning from Loss: 5 Key Lessons from 'A Monster Calls' on Grieving

Every so often, a story comes along that deftly combines imagination, reality, and raw emotion in a way that resonates with people on a deep and personal level. 'A Monster Calls' by Patrick Ness is one such story. This powerful novel (also adapted into a film) uses the medium of fantasy to address the universal human experience of grief. Taking lessons from this poignant tale, we can gain insight into the complexities of bereavement and learn how to navigate our own encounters with loss. In this article, we'll explore five key lessons on grieving that we can derive from 'A Monster Calls'.

Lesson 1: Grief Is Not a Linear Process

In 'A Monster Calls', the protagonist Conor experiences a range of emotions as he grapples with his mother's terminal illness. His journey illustrates that grief does not follow a neat, predictable pattern, but rather, it fluctuates and evolves over time.

"You do not write your life with words...You write it with actions. What you think is not important. It is only important what you do."'A Monster Calls' by Patrick Ness

This quote emphasizes the complexity and fluidity of grief. When dealing with loss, we may cycle through different stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – in no particular order. It's important to understand that this non-linear process is a normal part of grieving.

Lesson 2: It's Okay to Feel Mixed Emotions

Throughout the story, Conor wrestles with feelings of relief alongside his intense sorrow – a sentiment often associated with anticipatory grief. This teaches us that grief is not singularly about sadness; it also involves a mix of other emotions, including guilt, fear, and even relief.

"There is not always a good guy. Nor is there always a bad one. Most people are somewhere in between."'A Monster Calls' by Patrick Ness

This quote underscores the idea that our feelings are often nuanced and multifaceted, especially when it comes to grief. It's okay to have mixed emotions, and acknowledging them is a crucial part of the healing process.

Lesson 3: The Importance of Expressing Your Feelings

'A Monster Calls' also reinforces the importance of expressing your feelings, however uncomfortable they may be. The monster encourages Conor to confront his deepest fears and speak his truth, demonstrating that unexpressed emotions can lead to internal turmoil.

"Stories are important... They can be more important than anything. If they carry the truth."'A Monster Calls' by Patrick Ness

Just as stories hold power when they convey the truth, so too does our emotional honesty during times of grief. Keeping our feelings bottled up can prolong the grieving process, while giving voice to our emotions can foster healing and acceptance.

Lesson 4: Grief Can Feel Isolating, But You're Not Alone

Conor's journey through grief feels isolating at times, but 'A Monster Calls' shows us that we're never truly alone in our suffering. The monster, a manifestation of Conor's subconscious, is a constant companion and source of support, illustrating the presence of inner resilience even in the darkest times.

"You were merely wishing for the end of pain, the monster said. Your own pain. An end to how it isolated you. It is the most human wish of all."'A Monster Calls' by Patrick Ness

This quote reminds us that feeling isolated is a common aspect of grief, but it also highlights our innate capacity for resilience. Connecting with others who have experienced loss or seeking professional help can be immensely beneficial during the grieving process.

Lesson 5: Acceptance Is a Part of Healing

The final lesson we can glean from 'A Monster Calls' is the importance of acceptance in the healing process. Conor's journey culminates in accepting his mother's impending death and his feelings about it. While acceptance doesn't mean forgetting or moving on, it signifies recognizing the reality of the loss and learning to live with it.

"You must tell the truth or you will never leave this nightmare. You will be trapped here forever."'A Monster Calls' by Patrick Ness

This quote emphasizes the critical role of truth – and hence acceptance – in freeing us from the grip of grief. By accepting the truth of our loss, we can begin to navigate our way towards healing and peace.

In conclusion, 'A Monster Calls' provides us with profound insights into the complex journey of grief. It teaches us that grief is non-linear, encompasses a range of emotions, requires expression, can feel isolating, and necessitates acceptance for healing. By understanding these lessons, we can better cope with our own experiences of loss and offer support to others who are grieving. Above all, 'A Monster Calls' reminds us of our capacity for resilience – a vital message of hope amidst the pain of loss.